On Sarah, Positive Criticism, And the World

A few years ago whilst drinking with some buddies I ran into a woman named Sarah. I forgot her last name, but I remember that Sarah was Swiss. Probably. She could’ve been, if it turns out she’s not. I enjoyed talking to Sarah, she was funny, smart, had good stories to tell, and seemed to be an all-round good person. Like most people, we drink sitting down and my height had escaped her. Usually it’s one of the first thing people will bring up, but either Sarah wasn’t aware or she didn’t give a shit. When we slowly started to mosey on to the next bar she noticed my height, but she said something that no one had ever said to me.

You see, I’ve heard it all. Questions of whether I play basketball or volleyball, whether I can buy shoes or clothes of the rack. Or that that they have siblings or friends who are almost as tall as I am, that I resemble a large structure like Tokyo Tower, Big Ben, or whatever architectural wonder people are familiar with that is known for it’s heights. Of course there are also means comments. That I must have a small dick, that I’m out of proportion, or for me the most hurtful one, that I’m too tall. But like I said, I heard it all. These days it doesn’t even register anymore. It’s a fact of life that this will happen until my passing.

But Sarah, Sarah was different. “Brian”. She started. “If you’re going to be tall… be tall”. I wasn’t sure what to think for a second. I know I slouch, I know it’s a bad habit. But I found her message to be so kind and inspiring. If you’re going to be tall, be tall. She was able to compliment my height, and at the same time criticize me for slouching and asked me to better myself. At the time, mostly due to inebriation, it didn’t register with me that well, but I recall walking taller that evening. And every evening after that.

Two Christmases ago, I reached out to Sarah to let her know that her words had a profound impact on me that perhaps she wasn’t aware of. She sent me back a video saying she was happy to hear from me, that she was happy her words resonated well with me, and that she’s now in Hokkaido running her own small fashion boutique. That night in Shibuya, Sarah could’ve said a thousand things or absolutely nothing about my height. But she choose to acknowledge my height, and give me advice on how to better myself. There was no malice, no ill intent. It was fair criticism, that will stick with me forever. I still slouch now and then, but as I’m working out my posture is improving every week, and I walk taller and taller. Of course this isn’t just due to Sarah’s words, but they helped.

If you’re still with me to this point, I want you to share with you one more thing. It’s very easy to be jaded and sarcastic. It’s very easy to point out someone’s flaws. And every day I see people being mean to one another for reason but to be mean. People are angry, people are tired, and I get it. At the moment, shit really sucks, but at the end of the day we’re all in this together. It’s not “us versus them”, it’s not “us versus ourselves”. It’s “us versus life”. And here I’m talking about your friends, your neighbors, the people around you. Give them a compliment. Tell them you like something they’re doing. Support them in their endeavors, offer them comfort and help them when they’re in need. Be forgiving for their mistakes. And be proud of their achievements. Change starts with us. Change starts with you. Change starts with me.