When my daughter, Megumi, was born in 2014 I made a conscious decision to speak to her in English. My reasoning was that the English language would get her a lot further than fluency in Dutch at an early age.
I tried to talk Dutch with Megumi when she was four years old, but alas the proverbial ship had sailed and she resisted learning the language of (50% of) her home country. She now speaks English and Japanese fluently, however. She aced her Eiken not too long ago either. A small humble brag, but I am very proud of her for keeping up with her English studies. Although that might be more due to Roblox and TV than anything else.
In 2025 my son Thomas was born. Now I had to make the same choice all over again: which language do we speak to the child? My initial reaction was to follow the path of Megumi. I’ll speak to Thomas in English whilst Chinatsu speaks to him in Japanese. This will get him much further in life than speaking Dutch. But then I was reminded that perhaps English would come via osmosis, similar to how I learned English. And to a certain embarrassingly low degree, Japanese.
Do I risk robbing my son of learning the language his father speaks natively, because his (half-)sister does not speak that language either? Your sister doesn’t speak Dutch, so neither will you. That’s not exactly sound decision-making.
I consulted a few friends to ask which language they spoke at home. It was always the language of the mother and the father. Never a third language that the father acquired by watching too many daytime cartoons and playing too many video games. Ironically also a similar path Megumi has now taken.
So I made the decision to speak Dutch with Thomas. I trust he will pick up English as he grows. I speak either Japanese or English with my wife, so Thomas will be getting enough exposure to English too.
I do feel conflicted. Did I rob Megumi of her chance of speaking and learning Dutch? How will she feel knowing Thomas speaks Dutch and she doesn’t? I will have some explaining to do.
They are hard questions to ask myself, and even harder to answer.
Maybe in a few years, I’ll have my answer. Or maybe not.
でわ、until then, spreek je later.