A few years ago, while drinking with some buddies, I ran into a woman named Sarah. I forgot her last name, but I remember that Sarah was Swiss. Probably. If it turns out she’s not, she could easily be. I enjoyed talking to Sarah, she was funny, smart, and had good stories to tell. As is customary, our drinks were consumed sitting down. Without fail when I meet new people, my height is one of the first things they will bring up. But because we sat down, my height probably went unnoticed. Nothing. Not a peep about my height. Until we started to mosey on to the next bar. She said something that no one had ever said to me.
To be clear, thought I heard it all. Questions about whether I play basketball or volleyball. Where I buy my clothes. What size shoes I have, Comparisons to family members of equal or near equal height. Some even taller than me. My resemblence to structures known for their height, like Tokyo Tower, or Big Ben. Of course there are also the mean comments. My cock must be small. My proportions are off. My clothes are ill-fitting. And the one I dislike the most of all: “you’re too tall”.
But what Sarah said was different.
“Brian,” She contintued:
“If you’re going to be tall, be tall.”
What an amazing thing to say to a man who is 210 centimeters tall. She was able to boost my confidence by giving me a compliment, and at the same time asking me to better myself by not slouching.
I was walking taller that evening. And every evening after that.
Two Christmases ago, half a year after meeting her, I reached out to Sarah to let her know that her words had a profound impact on me. She sent me back a wonderful video saying she was happy to hear from me and that she liked that her words resonated well with me. Sarah also mentioned that she’s now in Hokkaido running her own small fashion boutique. It was a lovely video and whenever I scroll through my photos on my phone and I happen to see the video I stop to watch it.
That night in Shibuya, Sarah could’ve said a thousand things or absolutely nothing about my height. But she choose to do so, boost my confidence and give me advice on how to be a better version of myself. There was no malice, no ill intent. It was fair criticism delivered in a way that will stick with me forever. I still slouch now and then, but I’m working to to improve my posture, and I walk taller as a result.
If you’re still with me at this point, I want you to share one more thing with you. It’s very easy to be jaded and sarcastic. It’s very easy to point and laugh at someone’s flaws. Every day I see people being mean to one another for no other reason but to be mean. People are angry, people are tired, and I get it. At the moment, shit really sucks, but at the end of the day we’re all in this together. It’s not “us versus them”, it’s not “us versus ourselves”. It’s “us versus life”. I’m talking about your friends, your neighbors, the people around you. Give them a compliment. Tell them you like something they’re doing. Support them in their endeavors. Offer them comfort and help them when they’re in need. Be forgiving for their mistakes. Be proud of their achievements.
Change starts with me.
Change starts with you.
Change starts with us.